


We're All Just Runaways

by aybeexinfinity



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), The Dark Knight Rises
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-19
Updated: 2012-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:48:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29315094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aybeexinfinity/pseuds/aybeexinfinity
Summary: Gotham city is in ruins following the aftermath of Bane; but it is also in mourning after the death of the Batman. With everyone scattered and all forms of order and institutions destroyed, Amelia Saunt tries to plan what she should do next with all those she's become caretaker of. Is it fate or coincidence that reunites her with one of the few people in Gotham who actually has answers?
Relationships: John Blake/Original Female Character(s)





	We're All Just Runaways

The plastic bag had already broken twice on the way to the car, forcing me to start shoving what groceries I could into my purse. The sun was already setting and I had to be back before dark. Everything in Gotham was pretty much still on lockdown, which meant the parking lot to the little corner mart was nearly empty. It gave the mercenaries less places to hide yet it somehow made me more paranoid.  
  
I quickly put the bags in the front seat and found my keys, climbing into the driver’s seat and immediately locking the doors. With a quick look around me I started up the car and pulled out of the parking lot. I had a lengthy drive ahead of me and turned on the radio to see if anything had changed yet; but all that was on was the same emergency broadcast warning that had been on loop for the past four months.  
  
_Gotham Emergency Broadcast. This is not a test. The city of Gotham is under lockdown until further notice. Citizens, please stay inside your homes. Food banks and emergency shelters will be open from 4-6pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Locations will be listed following this announcement. Do not attempt to leave the city. God save us all._  
  
With a heavy sigh I shut it off. I hadn’t been sleeping much since everything first started, but somehow I still managed to get things done. I’d been laden with enormous responsibilities almost overnight, but from day one it felt like I’d been doing it forever. Maybe a part of me had. I had no idea where I got my energy from; I just prayed it would outlast Bane’s reign of terror.  
  
As the sun dipped below the horizon I finally pulled up to Wayne Manor. There were no lights visible from the front of the house: it was good to know they listened even when I wasn’t there. I drove around back and parked next to the entrance to the East wing. The whole world was silent except for the slamming of the car door. I basked in the quiet for a moment, closing my eyes and imagining what it would have been like if maybe I’d be born on the other side of the tracks. If I’d grown up in a place like this or even a place half the size of this. What it might have meant for Aaron. For my mother. For my non-existent father.  
  
But then reality came back as another plastic bag broke and I knelt down to try and fix it. The grass was cool against my knees and for a moment the tears threatened to come out but I held them back, tying them down like I tied the bag. Lock the car. Through the back. Up the stairs. Make a right. Down the hall. Last door on the right. I did the secret knock we’d established day one and opened the door to what used to be a library.  
  
“Amy’s back!”  
  
In the dim light I could see eight bodies, eight children, outlined against their stolen sleeping bags. I set down the bags just in time to receive Stephanie, all of 10 years old, into my arms. I did a head count around the room as I flipped on the lights. From left to right, they were all there: Stephanie, Cassandra, Barbara, Jason, Tim, Grayson, and the sixteen year old James holding the youngest girl, Nev. Next to James the oldest was Barbara at 11. All of them looked up at me with expecting eyes. The lost ones. The runaways.  
  
“It looks pretty quiet tonight, I think you can put on a movie if you want.” I rifled through the groceries and tossed two bags of chips to James before putting everything else in the mini fridge I’d brought in from one of the other rooms. This room had been the biggest and one of the most secluded. There were three different doors you could lock that were between this room and the entrance to the East wing of the mansion.  
  
I figured if Bruce Wayne wasn’t here, it would be a waste to leave the place empty. And if he ever came back, if he was even still alive, barely anything would be touched. James took a vote from the kids between some of the movies I’d managed to get and when they all decided on one, they settled down together. Nev crawled into my lap when I finally sat down. I wrapped my arms around her and leaned back in the chair, watching the screen but not really seeing. All I could think about was what the next day would bring, and the day after that, and the day after that…  
  
After about twenty or so minutes I put Nev down on one of the chairs and told James to keep watch. I closed the door behind me and went to the room at the end of the hall. I stood in the dark for a minute as the handle clicked, breathing loudly just to have some background noise before turning on the lights. All the curtains were pulled closed, just as I’d left them, and I wandered over to the white piano.  
  
Sitting on the bench, I tapped a few random notes out before deciding it wasn’t the best idea. I took solace in the fact that I couldn’t hear the movie from here: it meant we were being quiet enough. When your city is under a terrorist threat everything gets turned into whispers. A whole population reduced to minimal decibels and punctuated by the loud boots of those who’ve taken over.  
  
My head drooped into my hands, the sobs coming on. They were quiet at first but grew with each breath, like a disease slowly claiming my entire body. I muffled the sounds with my hands, praying to God that one of the kids didn’t hear me. They were hopeless enough as it is. I probably would have cried for an eternity if I could have, but a loud guttural sound threw me from my fit.  
  
My eyes were wide, glued to the wall of bookshelves that I was almost positive the sound came from. I was frozen to the spot, waiting for another noise, some confirmation that I wasn’t just imagining things. Sure enough, a dull humming started up; it was enough to stir me from my state. Spinning around, I grabbed the baseball bat from where I kept it stashed and raised it, ready for anything. I wouldn’t let anything happen to these kids. I would beat the fucking shit out of whomever or whatever showed up.  
  
When the humming finally stopped my heart began to race. I jumped as one of the bookshelves moved an inch, and then began to open entirely. Behind it I could see the metal shell of an elevator with bright lights, but more importantly a person inside. I raised the bat again with resolve and prepared myself. A man walked out with dark clothes, wet hair, and a duffle bag overflowing with straps and clips and what looked like a grappling hook.  
  
I was ready to leap at him when he finally noticed me, jumping back a few steps at the sight of me before pausing. I was ready, I was so ready to just beat him to a pulp but some part of me was holding back. Processing. What was familiar about this face? What was it about the way his eyes narrowed at the ends and the beauty marks on his face and the outline of his jaw?  
  
“Am—Amelia?”  
  
The jaw that I’d traced before, only older. More defined. Aged. All grown up. Part of me wondered if I had fallen asleep and this was just a dream, but I could see him so clearly and feel the step he took towards me vibrate through the floor and could smell him across the room and hear the water dripping from his hair. I swallowed once, the bat lowering until it tapped the floor.  
  
“Johnny?”

* * *

  
“Look at you, sis. Into the double digits now.” Aaron teased, shoving me slightly. “How does it feel being 10 you old lady?”  
  
“Shuddup.” I huffed. “You’re the old man. You’re 15—three more years and you’re an _adult_.”  
  
“Only legally.” He promised, ripping his sandwich in half and giving part to me. We watched as Mrs. Benson brought a boy into the yard, pointing out the different things like the jungle gym and the sand box and the bin full of sports balls. The same routine they pull on every new kid. The boy wandered over to an empty spot on the grass, twisting the ends of his sleeves as he looked around. He had a bruise under his left eye and a haircut that looked like he did it himself with safety scissors.  
  
School had just ended and it was a beautiful day so everyone was outside: a backyard full of orphaned kids who remembered, for a moment, how to be happy. No homework to do after dinner and a promise of ice cream for dessert and a brand new television to watch Saturday morning cartoons on.  
  
“Is that Justin kid going at the new kid already?”  
  
Justin Finch was two years younger than Aaron and had a nasty habit of bullying everyone who didn’t agree to do his every will. With the number of kids in the orphanage that there were it was awfully difficult for Mrs. Benson to catch all the bad stuff that went on. Justin was towering over the new kid with his cronies, laughing and pointing as the boy started ripping up grass by the handful.  
  
“How about you go give him a piece of your mind?” Aaron asked with a mischievous grin. “If he doesn’t back off I’ll just kick the shit out of him, don’t worry. C’mon, you gotta learn how to fight your battles some time kiddo.”  
  
He nudged me forward and I nodded with resolve, puffing out my chest and marching over to the new kid. I crossed my arms, holding my chin up just like Aaron did. I narrowed my eyes and waited for Justin to look over at me.  
  
“No one wants you here, Justin.”  
  
“Look, the wimp’s got a wittle girlfriend!” Justin teased, the laughter fading slightly as I took a step forward. I tried to remember what my brother taught me: violence was scary, but violent threats were scariest when they came from a little girl.  
  
“If you don’t back off I swear I’ll break your fingers with a hammer.” His eyes grew wide and he looked at the others before shrugging it off and walking away. He cast a look over his shoulder now and again which only made me laugh. Eventually I turned to the boy and extended my hand. “My name’s Amelia. You’re new here, right?”  
  
“Yeah. My—My name’s Johnny.” He said, eyeing me carefully. I sat down beside him, gathering up the grass he’d ripped into a pile. “Thanks for—for—you know.”  
  
“Aaron says that Justin’s just a scared and immature bully. Aaron’s my brother—he’s over there.” I turned to wave and he waved back, smiling. “So how’d you get here? When I was five a big transport truck hit our car off the main bridge and my mom drowned. I probably would have too but Aaron pulled me out of the car.. I was pretty sad about it for a while but I don’t think I can cry any more. Sorry, Aaron says I’m too forward.”  
  
“It’s okay.” He shrugged, watching me with a look reminiscent of amusement. Aaron always told me to wear what made me scared like a shield. Thinking about the fire terrified me, so I acknowledged it as often as I could. It would be almost six months before Johnny told me what happened to his parents. How his mom died in a car crash too when he was really young. How his dad got really bad after that and started drinking and gambling. How one day after getting in deep with the sharks he paid for his bad luck with his life.  
  
“Don’t let Justin get to you, he’s an idiot. And the punishments kinda suck when you get caught fighting here.”  
  
“I’ll try.” He shrugged. “I get really really angry. Sometimes I can’t remember how I get places, and…I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. You’re probably scared of me…That’s what Mrs. Benson said. She said I should keep those thoughts to myself.”  
  
“I’m not scared.” I gave a half smile, turning and waving Aaron over. “You can hang out with my brother and me if you want to. You don’t have to though.”  
  
“I…I want to.” He said as Aaron walked up to us. I relayed the story and introduction, getting to my feet and helping the boy up.  
  
“C’mon, I’ll show you where she keeps a stock pile of pop rocks.”  
  


* * *

I set the bat down, the both of us hesitating for a moment before embracing one another. I frowned at the ache that grew in my chest the second we touched, vowing to bury it or at the very least ignore it. When I pulled away we were silent for a moment, each looking over the changes the other went through. I pulled my sweater tighter against my body and crossed my arms, taking a few steps back.

  
“What are you doing here?” I asked with a nervous laugh. He smiled faintly, looking down at the ground and scratching his temple.  
  
“It’s a uh…It’s a bit of a long story.” He said simply before looking up at me again. “But I guess I could ask you the same question.”  
  
I opened my mouth to say something but there was a knock on the door and it was quickly opened. James walked in with a teary-eyed Nev in his arms, muttering something about her having a bad dream. He froze in his spot when he caught sight of John, venturing so far as to take a step back out of habit.  
  
“He’s a friend.” I said quickly, nodding. “Johnny, this is James. John’s an old friend of mine, there’s nothing to worry about. C’mere sweetheart.”  
  
James relaxed but still eyed him wearily as he handed the girl over to me. I held her against my chest, swaying in gentle motions and patting her back as I hushed her. James left the room and Nev’s sobs were reduced to sniffles.  
  
“It’s okay baby girl. You’re safe.”  
  
“Mommy I saw a monster outside.” Her tiny hands clutched to me as if I was the only thing keeping her safe. Her face was buried in my shoulder and I stroked her hair. “It was a big one.”  
  
“Do you remember what I told you about this place? Nothing bad comes into our room. Not ever. I promise you’re safe sweetheart.”  
  
“She looks just like you.” I turned, temporarily forgetting John was even in the room. He had a distant smile on his face as he watched the little girl.  
  
“She does, but she’s not mine.” I almost laughed, pressing my lips to the top of her head. “This is Nevada. I um…Well I kind of ended up the ringleader of a bunch of kids back when things first went down. Here, I’ll introduce you—I mean, if you want to. If you don’t have somewhere to go or—”  
  
“No, I’d like to meet them.” He smiled, dimples setting into his cheeks and new lines around his eyes making themselves known. He reached out and opened the door for me, picking up my baseball bat and following me to the room I’d called home for the past four months. I started off letting the kids know we weren’t in trouble before letting John into the room. I pointed out each of the kids and introduced everyone before lying Nev down in her corner of the room and tucking her in.  
  
He took to the group of them almost immediately, all of their initial worry and panic—these emotions that had been conditioned for weeks on end—melted away as soon as shows them all his badge. A police officer in the very same city that treated him like shit as a kid. I put James in charge, letting the kids know I was going to do a sweep of the building. I pretended not to notice when Johnny got up and came after me, following me into the next room where I kept the gun I’d stolen years ago.  
  
Clicking off the safety, I shoved it into the waistband of my jeans and turned to face him. He asked if I minded if he tagged along. I told him he was stupid and of course I didn’t care. But then I had to remind myself that we were not children anymore; this kind of joking and language just wouldn’t do. We were silent as I walked down the hall, looking inside every room to make sure we were alone here. I kept finding myself looking over at him only to have him meet my gaze, as if we were both expecting the other to say something. It made me want to throw up. I wanted to take so many things back. Redo. Control-Z. Restart from last saved checkpoint. He cleared his throat once and found something to say.  
  
“So have you been here this whole time?” He asked as we moved out of the East wing and into the centre of the manor. I nodded my head, averting his eyes at all costs.  
  
“I moved back here about two months before this all started. I’d managed to get a marketing job at Zinux but then everything with Bane happened. There were a lot of riots going on near my apartment so I left and…Well, I was driving through the narrows when I ran into James. He was getting beat up by a bunch of looters and Nev was just standing there screaming in the pouring rain beside them. I shot one of the guys in the leg and the others ran off. I found the rest of the kids on my way out of town and I just—I couldn’t leave them. I figured the safest place would be furthest from the city centre. I was getting ready to beg Wayne to let us stay but he wasn’t even here. We’ve just kind of been hiding out ever since.”  
  
“You know it’s over now, right?” He asked as we came to the top of the stairs. I stopped, frowning at him.  
  
“What do you mean?” He nodded forward so we started walking again as he explained.  
  
“Bane’s gone. The city should be pulling itself back together any day now. It’s safe.” It should have made me jump with joy. It should have filled me up with euphoria; but all it gave me was something more to fear. “I joined the GCPD and Jim—do you remember Jim Gordon?—He promoted me recently so that was…different.”  
  
“Congrats.” I forced out a smile, trying to focus on the conversation, on him, and not on the things flying around my head.  
  
“Where’s Aaron? Did he ever settle down anywhere?”  
  
“No, he um—” I frowned again, looking away from him and trying not to cry. “He died a few years after we left.”  
  
“Jesus.” He breathed, stopping in his tracks. I nodded, looking up at the ceiling in an attempt to dry my eyes. “I’m sorry, Amy.”  
  
“You’d think a kid as smart as him would’ve been able to steer clear of a gang.” I said spitefully, crossing my arms over my chest. I risked a glance up at him, wanting to put my arms around something familiar for once. “One of his friends came over and told me the day it happened. He was supposed to be picking up groceries and then he was just…gone. And I was alone.”  
  


* * *

I had memorized this path years ago. Walking close to the wall to avoid the creaky floorboards, making sure to steer clear of the vents in the floor, all the way to the end of the hall. The boys’ side of the building. Aaron was already downstairs with Mae getting the food. I opened the door quickly so it didn’t make a noise, slipping inside and slinging the bag onto the ground. Safe.  
  
“Johnny.” I shook him awake, waiting until he got past the sleepy-stupor before I left his side. Even in the dark I knew which corner he threw his favourite shirts into. I started gathering them up and shoving them into the duffle bag, along with some other clothes and the picture of his mom he kept stashed between his schoolbooks and a flashlight.  
  
“What’re you doing?” He asked quietly, legs swinging over the edge of the bed.  
  
“We’re leaving, c’mon get dressed.” I continued to pack things, going through my head for anything else he’d miss. I was coming up short as he got to his feet.  
  
“What do you mean leaving?” He asked, grasping my arm and staring at me through the dark.  
  
“Aaron found a list in the kitchen after dinner. It had a bunch of names on it—his and mine and yours and some others—and then he overhead Mrs. Benson on the phone after lights out. She was talking to someone about…about how bad it’s getting. About what her options are. She’s going to split us all up, Johnny.”  
  
“Split us up? You mean like what, time outs or something?”  
  
“No, I mean like a few weeks from now we’re going to be sent to Boys homes and Girls homes for troubled kids. There’s no room for us left here. But I sure as hell didn’t get saved from drowning by the both of you just so they could reduce us to weekly visitations. So we’re going.”  
  
“Amelia…” He began, the tone of his voice stopping me in my tracks. I looked over at him, seeing the faint outline of his features in the dark. He took a step back, shaking his head. “We can’t just leave. Wherever we’re going, we can still see each other. I’ll find a way…but we can’t just live on the streets because we don’t like the living arrangements.”  
  
“Johnny come on.” I said with a desperate sort of laugh. “It’ll be fine, we’ve got food and a bit of money and Aaron said he knows somewhere we can go. He’s bringing his girlfriend too so you’ll be—I…I just mean…Please, Johnny.”  
  
“We can’t just runaway, we can’t live a life on the streets. I can’t. Just stay with me here, it’ll be fine. I promise.”  
  
I could feel tears stinging in my eyes and I leaned forward, bringing his lips to mine. He held me there and some part of me understood, before he even said the words, that this was the last time I would kiss him. Even as I pulled away my whole being rejected the idea.  
  
“Robin. _Please_.” I begged, holding onto him. He peeled me off of him, shaking his head and turning away from me. In the darkness I could feel the anger rising in him.  
  
“Just go.”  
  


* * *

  
The sound of voices tore me from my stupid sob story and I immediately drew my gun. We were all the way in the West wing by now which was good—at least they were far away from the kids. John put his arm out in front of me, reaching for the door before I could and inching it open. I was right behind him as we went into one of the many living rooms. The fireplace was on and five or six homeless people were huddled around it and scraping spoons against the ridged insides of tin cans. John and I exchanged a look and I cleared my throat.  
  
“Do you have any weapons?” I asked, unintentionally scaring them as they scrambled behind one another.  
  
“Oh Jesus it’s more of them.”  
  
“Shush, Earl! We’re broke! We ain’t got nothin’ left to give them sonsabitches.”  
  
“That didn’t stop the last ones from beating us senseless, Mary.”  
  
“Look, we don’t want any trouble.” Johnny said, taking out his badge and flashing it. “We’ve got some kids in the building and we just want to make sure there’s no one here who might want to hurt them. That’s all.”  
  
“All we want is someplace out of the cold, officer.” The first one said. John nodded, smiling.  
  
“I understand sir. There’s a shelter over on Rathburn that’s still got some beds left. They serve up hot meals and would be more than happy to accommodate you all if you need it.”  
  
After that he nodded to them and motioned for me to follow him. He closed the door behind him and we started to make our way back across the manor. I was staring at him, watching the way he moved and the gentleness that had overcome him and how calm he’d become. He was all clean cut and well dressed in his button up shirt and pullover sweater. Hair combed properly. An A+ Gotham citizen. He stopped walking when he caught me looking and I blinked once.  
  
“What is it?” He asked, turning to face me completely. I couldn’t stop my eyes from watering, couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and putting my arms around him. I began to mumble apologies over and over again. I told him I was stupid. I told him how I’d missed him every second of those eight years. I told him I never should have left in the first place.  
  
He held me tighter. He didn’t pull away after things got awkward. When I released him he didn’t wipe at the tear stains on his shirt. I wiped my eyes and tried to quell the feeling swelling inside of me.  
  
“Things got really bad. After he…After he was gone May just left me. I was on the streets for a while until I ended up in Boston and this old couple kind of took me in. For eight years all I wanted was to come back. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. ”  
  
“Hey.” He said, hand on my shoulder. “Everyone’s a runaway.”  
  
He told me about The Batman—Bruce Wayne—and all the events that led up to the atom bomb. He explained how Batman faked his death and how he left him co-ordinates to a cave underneath Wayne Manor. How it was decked out with outrageous technology and a Batsuit and everything that someone would need to take over. By the time he was finished we were back in our hallway and I was left speechless. He reached out to get the door but thought better of it, turning to face me.  
  
“You know, if you want you guys can come stay at my place tonight.” He offered cautiously, watching me as I processed the request. “I mean, it’s no mansion—but it’s safe.”  
  
“That’d be really great.” I said honestly. I didn’t even bother to contain the smile as I opened the door. The movie was nearly done and I told the kids that we were safe now. Some of the younger ones didn’t exactly understand—they didn’t understand when we were in danger either, though—but when asked as to whether or not they wanted to go somewhere they could be loud they all agreed unanimously.  
  
We gathered up all of our things and piled into the van I’d inherited from my would-be foster parents in Boston so long ago. John drove out from where he’d parked his car and I followed him all the way to his building’s parking. It was only a few blocks away from the boys’ home he no doubt ended up in. The kids scrambled out of the car, Nev holding tightly to James’ hand as they bounded into the lobby. John helped me carry the stuff we would need and gave the keys to little Grayson and told him which button to press.  
  
All ten of us piled into the elevator and went up to the fourth floor, Grayson running to the third door on the right and opening it up. I warned him to be careful not to break anything as the others followed after him.  
  
“Do you need any help, Amy?” James asked before following after the others when I shook my head. His place was a nice size and looked out over a park. I set everything down and Johnny started listing where everyone could sleep: the pull out couch could fit all the girls, a bed in the spare bedroom could fit Tim and Grayson, and he could blow up an air mattress for James and Jason to sleep on.  
  
“Do we still have to whisper?” Stephanie asked with raised eyebrows. I smiled, shaking my head.  
  
“Does that mean we can put on the radio?” Barbara asked, waiting for the go ahead before turning it on. She scanned through stations until she managed to find a song playing off the soundtrack from the movie they’d just been watching, _Where the Wild Things Are_. Almost all at once all the kids, except of course for James, leapt to their feet and began to dance. They mimicked the wild calls at the beginning of the song before singing along.  
  
_C-A-P-S-I-Z-E all the way home!  
M-I-S-S-M-E all you want!_  
  
I took a seat beside James, pressing my lips to his temple and folding my hands in my lap. Johnny sat down beside me soon after, the three of us watching the kids bask in their ability to finally be _kids_. Nev pulled James up and forced him to go dance with her.  
  
_Mamma turned her back on me  
Daddy left when I was 3  
Don't tell sis I'm out the door  
I won't need them anymore_  
  
“They’re a great bunch of kids.” He said from beside me. I nodded whole heartedly, looking at the way they smiled and remembering how it felt to have only fleeting moments of happiness. To be confused and lost and only find your anchor in something fleeting. Or someone.  
  
“The things they told me…It really makes you wonder how Gotham isn’t worse off than it is. Both of Jason’s parents were killed by a thug. Tim’s mom was killed in a shooting and his father was left a cripple who eventually resorted to alcoholism. Grayson’s parents were both killed in an extortion plan gone wrong. James’ dad was a hitter and the step mom never stopped him. He found Nevada crying beside a dead cop on his way out of town. Cassandra barely speaks at all so I can only imagine what happened to her. Stephanie’s dad has been in and out of jail her whole life. Barbara’s got this giant scar on her stomach like she was shot or something…”  
  
_We can settle by the sea  
Troubles gonna bury me  
Keep my sorrows in the sand  
I see water, I see land!_  
  
My hand had found his sometime during my storytelling but he didn’t seem to be repulsed at the gesture so I kept it there. I thanked him sincerely for letting us stay. We watched the kids tire themselves out and when the clock hit ten o’clock I called for lights out. John showed me to the bathroom so I could put on something comfortable enough to sleep in. When I found him again he was setting up a makeshift bed on the floor beside his actual bed. I was going to thank him for it until he started to settle into it.  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous Johnny.” I said quietly, raising my eyebrows and putting my hands on my hips. “You’re letting me crash here with eight kids you don’t even know, I’m not going to let you sleep on the floor. Move.”  
  
“It’s okay, Amy.” He laughed, pulling back the blankets. “I’m serious. You look like you haven’t slept properly in a year, you deserve a good nights’ rest.”  
  
“You’re right.” I said, climbing onto the bed but still facing him. “But so do you. And if you do not get up by the time I could to three I will start throwing punches.”  
  
He laughed at me again, those beautiful lines carving into his face; the notes to a melody I’d etched into my mind. The sight of him happy made me happy in a distant and sad sort of way. Like I was viewing him behind the wrong side of the glass. I needed him to be closer, infinitely closer. He caved, of course, and crawled in beside me. But we were divided. Even sitting so close we were miles apart.  
  


* * *

When you’re thirteen years old you look like an adult to the little ones. Emma insisted that I put her hair into little braids so that it would be wavy for school the next day. She just wanted to have some mermaid hair for once. I tried to tell her that Mrs. Benson would never let her leave in her mermaid costume—grade three was apparently too old for costumes—but she told me she was smuggling it to school.  
  
I was on the last braid, working the tiny elastic smaller and smaller around the bunch of hair, when I heard the voices from outside. It was Justin first, spewing out swear words and insults. Then it was Johnny, and my heart grew heavy. I told Emma to stay where she was and calmly walked out of the room. When I got to the stairs I bolted down them, rushing into the backyard where some of the other kids had gathered around the two of them.  
  
This was the problem with the orphanage: short staffed and overpopulated. Wasn’t this how prison fights happened? Too many angry people stuffed too close together. And this was evidence of it: the voices were getting louder. Aaron met me at the outskirts of the circle, hand on my arm as my stomach began to twist. Johnny had gotten into fights before with Justin and the sight of him bloody made me want to hang myself. It just made me feel so damn useless.  
  
By the time I worked my way into the middle of the circle Johnny was getting ready to throw the first punch. I stepped in front of him, bracing his shoulders and holding him back from doing something I would regret. He somehow always ended up getting punished worse than Justin. Aaron was behind me, making sure Justin walked away before telling the other kids to find something better to do. Johnny was still fuming, not even looking at me. He was shaking with rage.  
  
“Walk with me.” I asked calmly. His eyes flickered once to me before going back to Justin.  
  
“I don’t wanna walk.” He said curtly. I rolled my eyes, releasing him and putting my hands on my hips. I hadn’t had a day apart from him since he came to this place, which probably accounted for why we’d become so close. He understood—much more than the other kids. He somehow complemented me in ways that I didn’t know were possible. Different but the same. A match.  
  
“Fine, then stomp in my general direction.”  
  
I turned my back on him, knowing he wouldn’t dare stay put. He huffed and gave in, following me into the house as I led him to the living room. The TV was busted which meant it was useless to the kids; empty. I closed the door , looking at him for a minute before sitting down on the couch. He walked over to the window, looking outside as he continued to shake.  
  
“If you keep getting into fights Benson is going to take away every privilege you’ve got, Johnny.”  
  
“They just…She doesn’t _get it_.” He said in a desperate whisper. His face contorted with a horrible mixture of confusion and fury. “Yeah she knows about my parents—well so what; every goddamn kid in this shit hole is an orphan. But she just—She thinks I’m just supposed to move on. Grow up. Are you supposed to stop feeling things when you grow up? Is that why people make such shitty parents?”  
  
He looked over at me but I knew it wasn’t the time to talk. He had to get it out of his system, had to lash out with words instead of fists. He needed to learn to be the Jekyll to his own Hyde. After a beat of silence he came and sat beside me, tangling his hands into his hair.  
  
“None of them…not one of them knows what it’s like. To be angry in your _bones_ It just…It’s not fair, Am. None of it. Nothing in this piss poor excuse of a world is fair. And I’m sick of it. I’m sick of fake smiles and sympathy cards and cut budgets and assholes who think it’s okay to fuck with other people just cause they think they’ve got it rough. I’m just so sick of it.”  
  
He sighed, rubbing the sides of his head. I reached out, rubbing his arm before grabbing hold of him. I gently pulled him down so his head was in my lap. My hand began the repetitive motion of running through his hair. He closed his eyes, free hand gripping my leg, as we sat in silence.  
  
Gradually, he began to melt away from his anger. This would become a ritual for him; and it got to the point some days where he didn’t even need me to call him away from the fight, he would just find me—even if it was in the middle of class—and I would let him vent and I would stroke his hair. We sat there staring at the broken television, the dark and blurry reflection of ourselves, until his breathing was calm.  
  
“Things aren’t going to always be okay, but sometimes they will. And when you need it, I’ll be there to be angry with you.” I promised, resting my free hand over his. He laced our fingers together, eyes glued to the ground. “There are still some people in the world who love you.”  
  


* * *

  
It was just too much to think about all at once. The body beside me. The bodies scattered amongst the rest of the apartment. The mouths to feed and brains to shape and people to love and care for and be sure not to fuck up so they don’t end up like me. Everything, the complete reality that had become my own and the cloudy future that could so easily be spiked with failure, it all came crashing down onto me. It forced its way out of me in whimpers and I sat up as quietly as I could, doing everything possible to beat down the oncoming panic attack.  
  
“Amy?” His voice was sleepy but I could still hear the worry in it as he sat up as well. “Amelia, what’s wrong?”  
  
I shook my head, mumbling out apologies as I tried to stop, tried to regulate my breathing. He was quiet for a moment and then he was telling me to move closer. He hesitated a moment before pulling me down onto his lap as he laid back against the wall. His fingers worked their way into my hair, each movement calming the ferocity of my breaths.  
  
“I can’t—can’t do this.” I stammered out in a whisper. “I can’t raise kids. I’m not meant to be a mother, not in the slightest. But I can’t just—just drop them at an orphanage now that the city is safe again. I c-can’t do this…”  
  
“Shh.” He said calmly, resting a hand on my shoulder. “We’ll figure something out. I promise.”  
  
-=-=-=-=-=-  
  
When morning came I awoke to an empty bed. My first thought was that I was way too comfortable to actually be awake. My second thought was a panicked one: where were my kids? Where were _my_ kids? I sat up quickly, taking a moment to remember where I was and what had happened. I groaned internally at the spectacle of myself I’d made the night before.  
  
The bedroom door had been closed so when I opened it I was hit with a plethora of sensory information. The chatter of eight kids. The brightness of undeniable morning. The delightful smell of a breakfast that actually had a shelf-life. Pancakes and bacon and possibly eggs. I staggered out like a zombie, squinting as my eyes began to adjust to the scenery.  
  
“Morning Amy!” The kids cried in unison, each grasping a half-empty plate of breakfast goodies. I raised my eyebrows, muttering a response as I wandered into the kitchen. John was putting the last frying pan into the dishwasher when he noticed me. He gave me a small smile and motioned to the plates of food still remaining.  
  
“Help yourself to whatever you’d like.”  
  
“Johnny.” I scolded. “You didn’t have to do all this.”  
  
“The kids helped.” He shrugged. “What do you have planned for today?”  
  
“Well…” I looked at the kids in the next room, all huddled around the television which was actually audible for once. “I was thinking about going by to see what became of my apartment.”  
  
“If you want I could get a friend of mine down here to watch them for a few hours.” He helped himself to a slice of bacon, leaning against the counter. He was already dressed in most of his uniform and I was standing there in pajamas.  
  
“You’ve done so much already, I can’t—”  
  
“Don’t worry about it. Reilly’s great, he was in charge of the boys’ home when I was there.” He explained with ease. “I’ve got to check in at work but I could meet you at your apartment after if you want.”  
  
“I mean, if you aren’t super busy or anything.” I shrugged, restraining myself from begging him to come. I scribbled down the address and he slipped it into his pocket, putting on his utility belt and big jacket with GCPD stamped on the back before saying goodbye to the kids. He was at the door when he turned back to me.  
“You doing okay, Am?” He asked quietly. I nodded immediately, blushing slightly.  
  
“I’m really sorry about that. I was just being stupid.” I mumbled. He frowned, watching me. He opened his mouth to say something but seemed to think better of it, pulling on his hat and grabbing the keys from beside the door.  
  
“Call me if you need anything.”  
  
I locked the door behind him, hovering for a moment before going into the kitchen and grabbing some food. When we were all finished eating the kids helped clean up and I let them continue to watch TV while I went and got ready. One of my earrings fell out of my grasp, bouncing out of sight. It forced me to get down on my hands and knees, running my hands over the carpet for the little metal thing. I got onto my stomach and found it under the bed beside a box that looked familiar.  
  
Hesitating for a moment, I pulled it out and recognized it as one of the boxes Mrs. Benson had given us at the orphanage to put keepsakes into. It felt wrong opening it but I was overwhelmingly curious as to what was inside. I lifted the lid and gently rummaged through the things inside. A few pictures of us and some with Aaron too, every single birthday card I’d ever made him, a small journal, and a collection of things that I’d left behind. I picked up the journal, frowning at the fact that it had only been filled half way. Flipping through the pages I caught brief paragraphs describing things we’d done and places we’d seen. Near the end there was an entry dated a few weeks before I left.  
  
_When I turn eighteen I’m gonna have a good job and we’re going to leave this place. We’ll find a cheap apartment. We’ll be happy. Maybe we’ll move to the countryside or something, I don’t know. In two years and four months she’s going to turn eighteen. In two years and four months I’m going to ask her to marry me._  
  
My eyes were wide at the page and it felt like a bomb went off inside of me. I lowered the book, clenching my teeth and staring at my knees. The pages slowly flipped to the last inked page, the day I left, with nothing but the date and two words scribbled in the middle of the page. _She’s gone_.  
  
There was a knock on the door and I jolted, asking for a minute as I shoved everything back into the box and kicked it under the bed. I took a breath before opening the door and fastening my earing on. James gave me a weak smile and asked if he could come in. I nodded, doing a quick check on the others and smiling at the way they were glued to the screen. James sat down on the bed, looking around the room until I sat beside him.  
  
“What’s up?”  
  
“I just…”He pulled the ends of his sleeves over his hands, bunching up the ends and staring at the ground. “I just wanted to say thanks. For everything you’ve done…I probably wouldn’t have lasted too long if you hadn’t found me.”  
  
“Sometimes running away is the best decision you can make, James.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “And sometimes it can be the worst.”  
  
“So is he your boyfriend or something?” James asked after a moment, the smallest of smiles on his face. I laughed, shaking my head. He opened his mouth to speak again but the doorbell rang. The man introduced himself as Reilly when I let him in and he immediately took to all of the kids in the way that only a child worker could. I thanked him, promising I would only be a few hours. He asked he could take the kids to a park and I promised him it would be fine before walking out the door.  
  
My apartment wasn’t too far a drive, but just entering the neighbourhood showed the different sides of Gotham. All the graffiti and broken glass that now littered the area was no doubt thanks to four months of unlocked prisons and absolute chaos. I parked the van and went into my building, surprised at how intact everything seemed to be. When I got up to my apartment the first thing that hit me was the smell. I opened all the windows, lighting all the candles I had and taking out the trash that clearly slipped my mind on my way out of the neighbourhood.  
  
I tied it off and put it in the hallway while I went around the rest of my apartment. Miraculously nothing had been looted, although it looked like it. The place was messy and half of my things were still in boxes. I spent a while tidying everything up, filling up another garbage bag with junk and trying to make the place look as presentable as possible. In fact, I cleaned up a lot more than I would have just so I had something to occupy my mind with. Grabbing my keys and the bags I went downstairs to the alley where the dumpster was. I was mostly worried that if I’d sent the first one down the chute it would break open and the whole building would smell it until the garbage trucks came.  
  
“Hey, you got the time?” I toppled the last bag into the dumpster and lowered the lid before pulling back my sleeve and turning to the voice.  
  
“Yeah, it’s quarter to…” I paused at the sight of a gun pointed at me. My eyes went wide and my hands went up in surrender. I backed up a few steps but he loomed closer.  
  
“Wallet, jewellery, phone.” He said in a harsh voice. He was twitching like an addict and the black stubble stood out on his pasty skin. My heart was hammering against my chest, the sound of my panic practically audible. I stuttered something about my phone being upstairs as I tore off my earrings, necklace, and watch. He snatched them away and looked down at my pocket. “I said wallet.”  
  
“It’s upstairs too man, this is everything.”  
  
“I can see the fucking outline in your pocket!” He roared, stepping towards me.  
  
The only thing in my pocket was a piece of paper folded up with Reilly’s cell number on it in case I needed it. I tried to explain this but the guy ignored me, charging at me and grabbing hold of me. I struggled, jamming my knee into his crotch and pushing him off of me. I screamed for help at the top of my lungs and managed to get to the sidewalk when a hand wrapped around my wrist and yanked me back.  
  
In a second he had me pinned against the wall, my hands bracing his to try and keep him away from me. I didn’t know which hand to focus more strength on—the one with the gun, or the one that could hold both of my hands and also free the gun. All I knew was that for the first time in my life the instinct to live, the drive to survive, it wasn’t for my own life. I needed to live for the kids. _My_ kids. My misfit group of runaways and orphans. Even as I threw the gun away and his hands wrapped around my neck, all I could think about was them. Him. I had people to live for in this world, this darkening world, this world that was growing fuzzier with every second.  
  
One second my lungs were burning, the next cold air was rushing into them. I heaved in heavy breaths, leaning over and bracing myself on my knees for a moment. Then I tuned into the sound of fist meeting flesh and turned to see John swing a punch that knocked the guy to the ground. He climbed on top of him and started to hit him over and over again. It was mostly shock that kept me from doing anything to stop him. Shock and a bit of perverse relief. Here, at last, was the Johnny I’d left behind. It made me feel better in some sick way to know that he hadn’t abandoned his demon, because I sure as hell didn’t grow up to be demon free. I struggled to regain use of my vocal chords, having to try three times for him to actually hear me and finally stop.  
  
He looked back at me, snapping out of his trance and getting off of the guy. My hands were grazing my neck as he pulled the guy up and told him to stay put. Then he came over to me, frowning and moving my hand away to survey the damage.  
  
“Are you okay?” He asked quietly. I nodded. “Do you want to press charges?”  
  
“No.” I said after a moment. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched me. The truth was I just didn’t want to have to go down to the station, didn’t want to spend hours there and go through with all the court dates that would follow. I didn’t want to be away from the kids. He’d gotten his face beaten in, I figured that would be enough. “Just make sure he doesn’t do it again.”  
  
He sighed, slipping out of his jacket and wrapping it around my shoulders before going over to the guy and talking to him. The guy hobbled off down the alley and John picked up the gun, motioning for me to follow him around the corner where he’d parked his cruiser, where he must have heard me scream. I made a joke about him having fantastic timing but he was clearly still thinking about what had almost just happened. He put the gun in his car where he would later check it into the station before he led me to the elevator.  
  
With a sigh I pressed the button for my floor and pulled his jacket tighter around me. Closing my eyes, I laid my head on his shoulder. His arm found its way around me and he promised me three words: _I got you._ I cursed the ride up for being so goddamn short. I led him into my apartment and apologized for the complete lack of organization. I sat down at the kitchen table and battled with the decision to put his jacket on the back of the chair. I didn’t want to let it go. I wanted to casually put it under one of the chairs where he would forget it so there’d be an excuse for him to come over again. But I knew it wouldn’t work and that even if it did it would have been childish so I slipped out of it and laid my head down on the table. I was overwhelmed with the desire to call Reilly and make sure everything was okay but I knew that the kids were fine.  
  
“Amy?” I looked up and he was holding the scarf that was hanging on a hook by the door. The scarf he’d given me for my twelfth birthday. He looked at me and spoke, lips barely moving. “How come you never came back?”  
  
“Because…” I took a deep breath and exhaled, biting at the skin on my lips. “Because I didn’t think you’d ever want to see me again.”  
  
He was silent for a while after that, moving the fabric between his fingers. I eventually got up and poured myself a glass of water, drinking it while staring holes into the wall. The next time he spoke it made me jump, despite how soft his voice was.  
  
“You actually kept this?” He asked, holding a framed picture of the two of us in his hands. He was smiling faintly and it made me frown, made me hurt. I swallowed hard, dumping the rest of the water down the drain.  
  
“Of course I kept it, I was in love with you Johnny.” I muttered, looking down. I just wanted to rewind for a minute, an hour, a day. Have things like they were. Have him.  
“Past tense, huh?” He said sadly, the smile fading slightly. I looked up at him but quickly looked away, crossing my arms over my chest and walking to the other side of the room. For a few minutes I was silent, foot absently twitching on the ground.  
  
“Past tense. Present tense. Until I fucking die tense.” I said quietly, leaning my head on the glass. “You saved my life in more ways than one, you didn’t push me away even when I deserved it, you were the only person other than Aaron that I loved so much it hurt. And I gave that all up because I didn’t want to deal with weekly visitations. I fucked everything up and I’m sorry.”  
  
When I turned to look at him he was in front of me, eyes meeting mine with unwavering attention. He slowly lifted his hand up, brushing the hair out of my face and resting his palm on my cheek. He leaned forward, eyes flickering back and forth from my eyes and lips. He paused a short distance away and I didn’t wait for permission to close the gap. My hands locked behind his neck, pulling him against me as I fell back against the glass.  
  
It was like every day we’d spent together smashed into one moment and it’d shot it up into my veins. I wanted him terribly in every sense of the word. I needed to be as close as humanly possible to him. The kids were safe, the door was locked, he was the only other person in the city who knew where I even lived: there was nothing to hold me back.  
  
I trailed my hand down to his belt, working at the buckle until it slid off. I was already done with half the buttons on his shirt when he kicked off his shoes and pulled my shirt over my head. His was off soon after and I pulled him backwards to my bedroom.  
  
I still remembered the day when I was sitting in the living room with May, bonding with her to make my brother happy and then the subject of John. She asked me if we’d fooled around yet and I told her no, but that it was going to be him when I decided I was ready. She laughed and said something about how cute we were, and then casually pointed out that he was standing in the doorway. It should have been, would have been him. If only, if only, if only…  
  
He flattened his body against mine, fingers trailing up my sides as he pulled my arms above my head. They were pinned on either side of the pillow by the time he lowered his lips to mine and our hips met. My fingers closed tightly around his, body arching towards him. He’d finally grown muscles to mimic the strength inside of him, and he used them to hold me tightly against him.  
  
My hands wrapped tightly around his neck, nails digging into his skin as my chest heaved against his. I was losing myself completely in his existence; in his smell and the way his skin felt against mine and the way he kissed the blooming bruises on my neck. I wanted all of him at all times and I figured this was a pretty good signal that he felt the same way. This was the closest I would ever get to forgiveness.  
  
Muffled noises escaped me as sweat formed at the crown of my head. I could feel each bead trail down my skin as if it were an icy bullet. My eyes were going over every inch of him, committing any changes to memory (like the way his hairline had grown out) and finding places that I couldn’t dare forget (like the space between his collarbones and the placement of every last beauty mark).  
  
He pulled me up with him, one arm wrapping around my waist while the other tangled in my hair. He whispered my name, lips tracing each syllable against my chest. I braced myself on the headboard behind him, clawing at the wooden frame to keep myself steady. As my body began to shake he held me in place, waiting until I was gasping for breath to finally let me go.  
  
I fell away and he collapsed beside me, the both of us a mess. After a moment I pulled the blanket up over us, rolling over and curling up against his chest. He didn’t miss a beat, instantly putting his arm around me and securing me in place. He pressed his lips to the top of my head after a while and asked if I wanted to grab some lunch. I nodded before realizing that that involved moving from our position. I groaned when he tried to get up, a noise that made him laugh. A true, genuine laugh, just like when we were kids. He helped me up and we gathered our clothes. I retreated into the bathroom to make myself presentable, my mind drifting back to the incident in the alleyway. I would have most certainly died if he hadn’t been there, and I couldn’t help but wonder if we would be doomed to save one another forever. Save him from himself, and me be saved from the world.

* * *

  
“I’m telling you, they sold out after their third album. The first was the best one.”  
  
He laughed a laugh that said ‘ _You are out of your goddamn mind_ ’ and delved his hands deeper into his pockets. The park was mostly empty—Gotham was dwindling into the tail end of autumn which meant the days were getting colder. The leaves were all changing colour, leaving a collection of reds and oranges and yellows to scatter the cement pathway before us. A few families were out with their little ones bundled up or walking the dog or some health nuts jogging in shorts and a t-shirt. Just looking at them made me shiver.  
  
“Whatever you say.” He shrugged, having learned long ago that I was far too stubborn to argue with. Obnoxiously stubborn, sometimes. It depended on the day. I exposed my hand to the cool air for a brief moment before diving it into his pocket, pulling his hand out so I could hold it. He said nothing, allowing me to do so despite the temperature. It would be one of the last times I would ever hold his hand; a few months down the road I was running away and making the biggest mistake of my life.  
  
But when you’re sixteen and in love you just can’t fathom that something so good could be destroyed so easily. We walked out onto a peninsula of the shoreline. It was bare except for the wooden bench at the end; overlooking the 10 foot drop to the violent water below. He pulled me down onto the bench beside him and I laughed at the way the wind pushed back his hair that was so long overdue for a haircut.  
  
With my free hand I searched in my right pocket for the stray cigarette and lighter that I’d taken from someone the previous week. Lighting up, I leaned back against the hard bench and exhaled. I could feel him looking at me and turned to face him, raising my eyebrows.  
  
“What?”  
  
“You know what.” He said seriously, nodding to the cancer stick in my grasp. “The hell are you carrying those things around for?”  
  
“Don’t be like that, Johnny.” I sighed, blowing to the side so the smoke went behind us. “I’m not your responsibility or anything.”  
  
“Hey.” He called sternly, waiting for me to look over at him before speaking. “You know I’m not telling you what to do. I wouldn’t. But I sure as hell am _not_ going to watch you kill yourself with a stupidly expensive habit. Don’t be an idiot, Amy.”  
  
“Fine.” I rolled my eyes, blowing out whatever was in my lungs and flicking the thing onto the rocks below. I gave him a look and shook my head. “If it’ll make you happy.”  
  
He said nothing but held my hand a little tighter. The park was quiet except for the sound of the water slapping against the rocks and despite the fact that I was getting cold and the fact that I was getting hungry I would’ve been content to sit there for hours. It didn’t matter that we should have been in class or that I’d have to pay off one of the older girls to pretend to be Mrs. Benson when the school called about my absence; it was worth it to have some space with him that wasn’t swarmed with a bunch of other kids and responsibilities.  
  
I groaned when I heard the unmistakable voices of one of the school’s group of kids that irritated me the most. They thought they were all tough shit and the coolest kids and that everyone liked them. Which was most definitely not the case in any of those circumstances. I heard one of them point us out to the others and they started in our direction. I gave Johnny a look.  
  
“Should we just pretend we’re leaving?” He had a way of almost speaking in slurs, able to have an entire conversation with barely moving his lips. I nodded, waiting for him to get up before following him. Our hands went back to their respective pockets and our heads were down until one of the girls called out to me.  
  
“Amy! Hey!” Sarah called as they all approached us. We hadn’t even made it half way down the pier and already we were stuck. “How’s it going?”  
  
“Pretty good.” I smiled, nodding. The problem was most of these kids had never done anything to me personally so I couldn’t be outright rude to their face. It was the leader of the group, Rick, who I had a problem with. I made small talk with Sarah while Johnny got sucked into a conversation with Billy. Sarah was telling me all about how they’d gotten past the security at some store and grabbed a bunch of things.  
  
“Jeremy got a bunch of roman candles. We’re going into the forest to fire them at each other.” Rick began, smirking at me. “You down?”  
  
“Nah, I’ve got places to be.” I said simply, casting a glance over at Johnny who was still talking before turning back to Sarah. Rick took a few steps closer, nudging me.  
“C’mon, Amy. It’ll be fun.” He prodded, pulling one out of his pocket to show me. I looked at him unimpressed, repeating myself in a much more curt tone. Sarah told him to stop but he couldn’t seem to let it go. He rolled his eyes but laughed all the same. “You’re so uptight, man. You need to relax.”  
  
He was still for a moment and then his arms were on me, harbouring all the weight of his body as he pushed me. I stumbled backwards and lost my footing entirely. For what felt like an eternity I was in the air, my stomach contracting as a scream worked its way out of my throat. The sound was cut short as I slammed into the water. The temperature was enough to push out whatever air I had left in my lungs.  
  
There was no sandy bottom beneath my feet. There were no rocks to grab onto. There was nothing. I could feel my insides begin to ache, my lungs catching fire as I thrashed about. I couldn’t tell which way was up and my body was suspended in a watery grave for what could have been hours but was likely only seconds. I faded far quicker than I anticipated and began to panic even more as my limbs became nonresponsive: was this really the end? A cold and scrambling experience until it just stopped?  
  
But then there was light, and cold air working its way into my bones. Warmer air was inflating my lungs; a pressure on my chest willing my heart to start. All at once water rushed out of me, sending me into a coughing fit until I could draw in the staggering breaths I needed. I could feel the beach beneath me and a hand supporting my neck. It took me a minute to remember where I was and what had just happened; and then I clued into the fact that Johnny was calling my name, begging me to be alright. It was only after I nodded, pushing out the promise that I was fine, that he left my side. As I struggled to recover from the experience I watched his fists clench as he turned to the group of kids looking on at us.  
  
“She can’t fucking swim you stupid piece of shit!” He yelled, taking quick steps over to Rick.  
  
“I—I was just kidding around!”  
  
It didn’t matter. None of it mattered; Johnny was lapsing into one of his fits of anger. He leapt at Rick, tackling him to the ground and holding him up by the shirt collar as he repeatedly smashed his fist into the boy’s dumbfounded face. I tried to get to my feet but my whole body was shaking from the cold. I watched as Johnny, drenched completely with that shaggy hair sticking to his face and bloodied from whatever leap he took to save me, turned at the sound of me calling out to him.  
  
“Stop.”  
  
He hesitated, fist in the air ready for another punch, before looking back at Rick and throwing him down. The fury slowly faded from his face and his breathing calmed. He got to his feet, grabbing his jacket from Sarah and coming over to me as I brushed the dirt off as best as I could. He forced me into the jacket and put his arm around me, glaring at the group before leading me away from them all.  
  
There was a fancy coffee shop beside the park that he pulled me into, ignoring all the looks we got as he led me into the girls bathroom. The few girls actually in there standing at the mirrors took one look at us and left abruptly. He sat me down on the bench and knelt before me, tilting my head up with his bloody hand so he could see if I was okay. I was still shivering profusely but I didn’t know if it was more because of the cold or because of what had almost just happened.  
  
It wouldn’t have surprised me if he could see the fear in my eyes, something that reflected back into his in the form of distant anguish. He raised his hand to my cheek and I leaned forward, throwing my arms around his neck. I was full on sobbing as his arms constricted around me. He knew that of all the things in the world, drowning was my biggest fear. I clawed to be closer to him, stuttering out ‘thank you’ over and over no matter how many times he told me to stop. He took the jacket away from me and held it under the electric dryer before giving it back. I forced him under it as well, resting my head on his shoulder as I tried to get a hold on myself. There was a knock on the bathroom door and one of the baristas asked if everything was okay.  
  
“Yeah, she’s—she’s had an accident. We just need a minute.”  
  
The guy left after explaining he’d have to ask us to leave in a few minutes. Johnny got to his feet only when I stopped shivering, putting my arms through the sleeves and zipping the jacket all the way up. He helped me to my feet and crossed over to the sink, washing the blood off his hands and face as best as he could. Before he could reach for the door I turned him around and pressed my freezing lips to his. His mouth curled into a smile at the gesture and he took my hand in his.  
  
“I got you.”  
  


* * *

  
It had been just over two weeks since the incident in the alleyway and the incident that followed it. The kids had been staying at my place which brought us all back into cramped quarters, but it was safe now. They had actual mattresses to sleep on; they were no longer scolded for talking too loud or wanting to use electricity after dark or getting anywhere near a window. I had even bought a bunch of those grammar and math books to try and get them all back into the swing of learning things. I learned how to cook more than just Kraft dinner and grilled cheese and anything that came out of a can.  
  
Schools were opening up in the next few weeks and although at first it was great to hear it dawned on me that maybe it wouldn’t be as easy as I’d hoped. After all, I didn’t know if some of the kids’ parents were still alive. I wasn’t a legal guardian and I couldn’t formally adopt them—I sure as hell would never pass inspection—so how did I enroll eight runaways without any questions?  
  
I was continually putting that off for as long as I could, focusing instead on being the best mother figure that I could. Some nights it definitely made me empathize with Mrs. Benson, but most nights it was obscenely rewarding. Like when eight strangers told you they loved you and kissed you and hugged you, and when you’d find little handmade cards or drawings popping up everywhere with your name as the addressee. It made me feel like I actually had worth. Like I might not be useless after all.  
Johnny had been by almost every day, and it almost frightened me how easily the two of us settled into such a domestic life. We’d been together for the longest time but we never had any actual responsibilities. We were children caring for children but there was always someone else there to pay the bills or make the meals. As scary as it was, I was doing alright. And it was in no small part thanks to Johnny’s visits. He helped me get them to bed and feed them and keep everything from generally dissolving into chaos. He just kept chalking up the list of things I owed him for.  
  
My things were still in boxes, mostly because I was too busy with other things to bother unpacking a bunch of crap that turned out not to be a necessity. I still managed to fit a little bed into my room for Nev to sleep on, and I was singing her a lullaby when I heard to door unlock from the next room. I’d given Johnny a key a while ago, always taking comfort whenever he came over. He greeted all the kids before finding his way over to me. He smiled at the sight of Nev twisting her blond locks in the tell-tale way she did whenever she was tired.  
  
“Daddy?” She called in a sleepy stupor. She’d gotten into the habit ever since she saw him in his uniform, a sight I could only imagine made him look like her deceased father. He tucked her in and kissed the top of her head. I waited in the door frame until she finally nodded off to sleep. He set his hand on the small of my back, pressing his lips to my temple.  
  
“Come outside for a minute.” He walked to the tiny balcony, holding the door open as I went outside and closing it behind him. I folded my sweater tight around my body, the only barrier against the cold Gotham air. He leaned against the railing beside me, a smile creeping onto his face. I raised an eyebrow at him, crossing my arms over my chest.  
  
“What’s got you in such a good mood?”  
  
“I told you I’d figure something out.” He sounded like he was holding back from screaming the news at me. I straightened up, waiting for whatever surprise he was about to lay on me.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
He told me about his day, how he got a call from Reilly saying that Bruce Wayne had left his mansion to the city of Gotham. How he had only one request: that it be used to house the troubled and orphaned youth of all parts of the city—from the suburbs to the narrows to the core of Gotham. I didn’t believe it at first, mostly because even though Johnny had told me all these great things about Bruce Wayne I still had trouble seeing past the persona he’d made everyone accept. This meant that kids would actually have a nice place to grow up in with plenty of space. But then I started to think about other reasons he might be telling me this news.  
  
“So this means that…” I began, waiting for him to finish.  
  
“It’s good for two reasons, the first being the kids will finally have spaces of their own to stay.” He paused to pull a piece of paper out of his pocket, handing it over to me. I unfolded it as he continued. “And two, you’ve just been hired to work there.  
  
I stared down at the piece of paper describing my job and my acceptance and the terms of employment, not even caring as a few tears stained the page. I pulled him into a hug, completely in shock. It was perfect, the best possible outcome I could have hoped for. I would see them all every day and I wouldn’t have to give them a crappy, cramped life to do it. They would grow up living decent lives and I would have had something to do with it.  
  
“It’s…It’s perfect. How did you—”  
  
“Reilly trusts my judgement and I trust you.” He said simply, the smile still plastered on his face overtaking my muscles as well.  
  
“But there’s…There’s one thing.” I frowned, looking through the window into my apartment. “I don’t…I can’t see myself leaving Nev. I mean, she thinks I’m her mother. And I get that I would see her every day, but I can’t give her up. How am I supposed to raise her?”  
  
“You don’t have to do it alone…” He said quietly. I looked over at him, trying to understand if he was actually saying what I thought he was saying. “I mean, I could help.”  
There wasn’t anything that I could say that properly expressed what I was feeling or thinking. I settled for kissing him and holding him tightly. I told him that I loved him and he promised he loved me back. When I finally pulled away and wiped the tears from my eyes I went back inside and told all the kids to come over to me. They all sat down and I put my hands in my pockets, smiling at them.  
  
I explained the whole situation to them, relaying the information just as I’d been told. First about the manor, then about the job I was getting.  
  
“Now I need you all to understand that I’m not leaving you or giving you up or abandoning you. This is _not_ me saying goodbye. I’ll be there every night to read you bedtime stories and I can help you with your homework and do crafts with you and go on field trips and everything. This is just a change of scenery. Are we clear?”  
  
They looked around at one another, hesitating before slowly nodding. I could tell that they weren’t overly fond of the idea at first but I knew how resilient I was to change at that age: I didn’t blame them for taking their time. I explained that we’d bring stuff over in the morning when we all got up and then left them to check on Nev. John closed the door behind us and I could hear James answering questions that everyone kept bugging him with. He was reassuring them that I was telling the truth and that he knew I wouldn’t just leave them. I laid down beside Nev, gently brushing back her blonde locks that so perfectly mimicked mine. I pulled Johnny down beside me and he wound his arm around me. Was this what they called fate? Was this the mystical happy ending of _all things happen for a reason?_  
  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-  
  
The next day the sun was shining brightly and the sky was cloudless as we loaded up as many things as we could into my van. It was such a familiar drive back to Wayne Manor, it brought back memories of all the grocery runs I’d made to get packs of non-perishables that had been shipped in from the outside world. By the time we got to the mansion the kids were going to start calling home (again) the sun was high in the sky.  
  
Reilly was out front, waving to us with a big grin on his face. The kids clambered out of the two cars and rushed, with my permission, back to the familiar quarters now that they could fully explore the infamous Wayne Manor. Reilly helped us get things out of the back and directed us to each of the kids’ rooms so we could put things there. Nev was safe with James (who made me promise to bring her by for visits as often as I could) and we walked around the building with Reilly as our tour guide. He told us about what some of the rooms would be converted into, and pointed out many of the luxuries that I had longed to use during the lockdown—like the indoor heated pool, the home theatre, even the personal bowling alley.  
  
We ended the tour in the backyard where a bunch of other kids already were. I could pick mine out in the crowd, watching them all interact with one another; the shy and not so shy meetings that mirrored my childhood happening all over again. James seemed to know many of the older boys and girls already, and he pointed me out to them amidst some of his conversation.  
  
I was introduced to the other people I would be working alongside as the smell of barbeque wafted through the air. It was a day of celebration, with food and music and the promise of renewed dreams. At least, that’s what I would do my best to provide and encourage.  
  
Johnny took my hand in his, smiling at the sight of me as I leaned against him. I thought about asking him to move in together—we practically lived together already. And then I had to tackle the issue of finding a way to officially adopt Nev so she was ours.  
  
“Do you want to marry me?” He asked casually, the smile remaining on his face as I turned to face him. Part of me was surprised, part of me was amused it took so long. I thought about what normal adults in a relationship would do—how it was practically the number one rule not to rush into anything. We should wait, get to know each other better, blah blah blah.  
  
“Immediately.” I kissed him, musing as his arms fell around my waist. The problem with most people was they hadn’t known each other for most of their lives. They didn’t know each other the way we did. While it may have taken him till he was sixteen to figure it out, I knew the first time he held my hand that he would be the only person worth marrying. I knew in my heart—I’d known from the start—that he was always mine, and I was always his.


End file.
